Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
