did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
love makes seman taste better
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
