That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
