I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
