Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
