i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize