yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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