Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
