If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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