Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
