The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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