Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize