the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
