**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
