remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
