I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize