can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
