he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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