I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize