My friends, they love my intelligence
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
