Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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