So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize