maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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