i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
