don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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