I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize