Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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