I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is Oprah even human
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
