Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
