I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
