totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
