before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
