had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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