I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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