Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize