you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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