A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
