man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She bit a glass in half.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
