omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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