Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did i walk over a car last night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
