i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
