I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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