They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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