I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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