This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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