when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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