I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
