he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
