I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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