I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
