I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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