it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
