I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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