Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I want is dick and wine.
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