i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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