Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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