I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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