I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
