he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Send help, water and tortillas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
