I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
