no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
