Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize