I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
