I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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