i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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