i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm just crazy horny about you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
